Gap + Valentino = Ruffle vomit

I know high-fashion models are supposed to look miserable, but take a look to the left. I don’t think she has to try very hard.

She looks like she’s wearing a peacock costume for Halloween. Or, in the case of the pants, like she needs a bikini wax. This clothing is terrible. It represents exactly how high-falutin designers feel about the mall-goers of America: you vant a taste of my style? HA! I vomit ruffles on you!

This is the widely celebrated collaboration between Gap and Valentino. Yes, that Gap. You know, the place you go when you want a good pair of jeans or a well-fitted t-shirt.

Gap is basic, classic, and kind of bland, the place that is safe for young moms who don’t quite want to go the Eddie Bauer route, and for young women who have graduated from Forever 21.

Gap is vaguely trendy at best. Gap tried to be REALLY trendy a few years ago: I walked in looking for a cardigan and walked out empty-handed and confused. I was surprised at strange cuts, holes in clothing and random appliqués. I was pleased when eventually all that crap ended up on the sale rack and Gap returned to its regularly scheduled programming of bland.

But Gap is at it again. It obviously wants to be J.Crew, which has successfully turned into some kind of pseudo-designer and jacked up its prices. J.Crew used to be a slightly higher-end version of Gap, but then it decided to mix in trendy pieces with its classic staples, and to charge $350 for a feather tippet. WTF a feather tippet is, I don’t really know.

J.Crew did this successfully because a) its customer was always a bit more wealthy and b) it showed you how to mix trendy with classic, so you’ll only be half-embarrassed when you look at photos of yourself twenty years from now.

Whereas these photos….right now…. are making me blush. And I’m not even wearing the crotch-ruffles!

–By Tara Cavanaugh

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