Free to be banging baby-free


Hi, I’m Jackie. I take birth control. I don’t take it because it helped save my life or because it cured some medical mystery happening inside my body. I take it because I like to have sex without repercussions that come in the shape of an infant.

If you’re sporting a uterus, chances are you’ve noticed all of this political commotion surrounding women’s rights and the usage of birth control. Thankfully, there have been some badass women who stepped forward to tell their stories about how birth control has solved their health issues and even saved their lives. These stories give validity to this drug and also a scientific “go fuck yourself” to all of the men that are trying take this right away from us. Perhaps if these men see what a useful medication the pill can be, they stop labeling all modern women as harlots who are just looking for a good time. With that being said, what about that harlot who is looking to have a good time? Is she any less important to this equation of birth control validation?

Cue the harlot.

I am actually not a harlot.

In fact, nowhere near a harlot considering that my pool of sexual partners consists of a significantly low number. A serial monogamist might be a better term for me. So, how do I fit into this argument? I am a grown woman, who likes to have sex with her long-term boyfriend. I am intelligent, educated, gainfully employed, I contribute to society and I don’t want kids.

Yeah, I said it: I don’t want kids.

The whole idea of conceiving offspring now, or ever, is more frightening than the idea of a political candidate strapping his dog to the roof of a car. But here is the real kicker: I don’t want to get married either.

I’m sure there are conservatives across the nation baffled by these two choices, but I assure you I have my reasons. I have been diagnosed with two separate auto immune diseases that have been wreaking havoc on my body for the last six years.

When I was in my final semester of undergrad I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. Then, as if God hadn’t laughed in my face enough, he gave me a butt disease. In 2009, I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. Both of these diseases involve inflammation around various parts of the body, but I would have gladly taken a few more lesions on brain than the humiliation that colitis so happily gifted me on a daily basis. You don’t know mortifying until you crap your pants in your place of employment. Then, as life so often does, it threw me another curve ball. My colitis had become medication resistant and my only option was to have surgery to remove my colon. Colitis has now removed my large intestine and my dignity. One million dollars in health bills and six surgeries later, I am choosing not to pass on these experiences and my defunct genes to my spawn. If Darwin were still beboppin’ around, he would surely give me a high five for choosing to snub out my inferior gene pool. Those are the cards I was dealt in the game of life and if you think about it, I am doing you and generations to come a favor. This unfortunate hand, however, does not mean I should never be allowed to experience the joys of sex or that amazing intimacy you feel when you’re with someone you love. No, I shall go forth, bang my man, and prosper.

As a woman that makes responsible choices about her life, birth control is a huge part of how I execute those decisions. A child would not only be a serious kink in my life plan, but frankly is not wanted. In this argument over birth control women like myself are often forgotten. I know these political tyrants would just tell us to not have sex, but my life involves sex. And if I’m lucky, I’ll continue to ‘get lucky’ on a regular basis.  I understand that the “bang baby free” stance is not one that everyone does or wants to take, but it is the soapbox that I have chosen to stand on. Whatever the reason for choosing birth control, I’d venture to say it is a choice rooted in responsibility. In a life where I have had so few things to actually choose, I can at least choose to be responsible about this.

And that harlot that I spoke of before, she deserves the option to make responsible decisions, too. We all do.

–By Jackie Zimmerman

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