Fail of the Week: True-Blood-is-almost-here edition

Now, I know there are some bigger fashion fiascos out there  and then there are the usual suspects. Seriously, one day KP is going to succeed in actually turning her body into a sugary confection.

But the True Blood season premiere is almost here, and I’m giddily excited. So of course, I checked out the season premiere red carpet. But what is Anna Paquin wearing?

Generally I love her—I mean, she’s tiny and blonde and likes to be controversial and somehow only manages to occasionally annoy me as Sookie. But seriously, it looks like she attached purple pipe cleaners attached to her dress. And what’s underneath the mesh panel? Her rib cage? If so, eat a sandwich. Hell, eat 50. If not, my other guess is it’s something gestating. Is she trying to compete with Bella’s human-vampire baby/spawn in Breaking Dawn? Because, honey, nobody can beat that deep-fried crack.

However, is it wrong to kind of dig her dress on the cover of Entertainment Weekly? It’s just so retro and there are polka dots!

Whatever your opinion of Miss Paquin’s sartorial choices, laissez les Bons Temps (Louisiana) rouler on Sunday!

–By Lindsay Ray

Fashion Fail at the CFDA Fashion Awards

Gaga, current first lady of dance pop, might’ve been named a fashion icon at the CFDA awards and that green wig might’ve added some nice Andy Warhol-ish pop, but c’mon. If you want to show your boobs, girlfriend, just commit. Don’t practically fall out of your dress. Also, who besides people who get paid in singles wear detachable skirts anymore? And that looks like what could possibly be the wedgie from hell.

Not to be out done, Marcia Cross looks desperate for disco. She’s either auditioning to be a member of Abba, or she will be forced to accept an Abba substitute and join a Mamma Mia production. And now I have “Dancing Queen” stuck on repeat in my head.

What could have made such a pretty dress turned into a disco disaster.

–By Lindsay Ray

Wins and Fails of the Week: MTV Movie Awards edition

OK, so in all honesty, I’m going to admit upfront that I didn’t watch the show. I might’ve watched due to the temptation of the new Harry Potter trailer, but I knew I could just see that online (one word—glorious) and couldn’t deal with the self congratulation and fake golden popcorn. But I couldn’t help taking a peek at the fashion as it always promises to be over-the-top at one of Hollywood’s more laid back events, and someone mentioned La Meester looked like a disco ball.

FTW!

Kristen Stewart, she of the lip biting and mumbly awkwardness, totally rocked a red mini. Usually she looks like she cannot wait to get out of her fancy clothes and into lounge wear, but even she seemed to know she looked hot. Plus, it’s got stars and sequins and safety pins, you guys! It looks like the most awesome bedazzled, homemade party dress ever.

And the lovely Emma Watson looked sophisticated in a white Marchesa. (Even if her hair resembled an odd mullet, but the important thing is her hair is growing out!) I don’t even mind the weird fringed shoulder pads (pretty sure those are necessary to make it MTV-worthy). But her makeup was flawless. She looked all glowy and youthful. Just what an actress should look like in anticipation of the premiere of her HUGE blockbuster summer hit.

OK, so I don’t care if she is wearing a black lace doily with fringe. (Seriously, what is with all the fringe? I refuse to believe it’s in fashion.) But most importantly, Emma Stone is a redhead again!! I’m so happy that the queen of the sassy comeback has restored her russet locks. (Yes, I am getting poetic about hair.)

Epic Fail

I think Leighton was shooting for avant garde/art deco. But girlfriend, you look like a party decoration. Or an intricately smashed mirror.

Nicki Minaj went in for bondage wear and brass knuckles. Which, you know, not surprising. What is surprising is that her hair isn’t more spiced up. Almost subdued for her. Disappointment, Nicki, disappointment.

Cameron Diaz wore a romper (much too old) and was totally shown up by a much younger starlet (Elle Fanning, looking cute and age-appropriate).

Brooklyn Decker wore a gold lamé-looking sack. Which if I was going to wear a sack, I guess I’d pick something like gold lame instead of burlap, so snaps for you there, Brooky.

And the pièce de résistance? A paisley jumpsuit worn by Jessica Szohr. Oh Jessica, if you thought leaving the bangles and ratty extensions at home would make us forget that you’re Vanessa, Dan’s Brooklyn-bred BFF on Gossip Girl, you are sorely mistaken. Nothing says classic Vanessa fashion disaster quite like flowing paisley.

Also, where are your feet, woman?

–By Lindsay Ray

Win/Fail of the Week: Cannes edition

So white was the color of Cannes. Even Brad Pitt got in on that action.

But who wore white best? One word—Uma.

Uma looked flawless in not just one, but two white dresses.

I love the scalloped edging on the cocktail-length dress and the feathery texture/floaty feeling and fitted bodice of the other. (Try not to get confused with all this technical terminology I’m throwing at you.)

Let’s zero in on the details shall we?

Don’t those emerald earring just pop? And I’m digging the messy-but-it-looks-effortless-even-if-I-paid-a-stylist-mucho-dinero-to-do-this hair. Also, girlfriend ain’t afraid to flash a little leg.

Runner up? Rachel McAdams.

I feel very meh about the poofy shoulders and rose lined pockets.

Plus, she wore what I’m calling the American Beauty dress, but instead of strategically placed rose petals, there’s strategically placed red lace.

And it was all downhill from there. Because nude pantsuit? Never a win. I don’t care how glitter your bodice is or how sassily you pose.

Now, I know there were bigger fashion disasters than this at Cannes (Candice Boucher and her dress left little to the imagination), but I’m a tired little fashion blogger and the Castle  finale just tore out my heart. So adieu fashionistas!

–By Lindsay Ray

Fails and Wins of the Week: Fancy Schmancy Part-ays

Both the White House Correspondents Dinner and the Met Costume Institute Gala occurred within the span of a few days. And fashionistas rejoiced.

White House Win

The Obamas know how to throw a party. And they know how to dress for one as well.

Fail, Fail, Fail at the Met

Andre Leon Talley: Purple tents are in fashion?

Chrissy Teigen and John Legend: Exotic bird meets exotic dancer?

J.Lo: How about J. No?

Blake Lively: Sheet meets sparkle boob.

Freida Pinto: I don’t think they meant black tie literally, dear.

Christina Ricci is the Spiderwoman.

Win, Win, Win at the Met

Janelle Monae looks perfect for a 17th century portrait. I kinda dig it.

Ashley Greene: Love me some sparkly Donna Karan.

Elizabeth Banks: She looks a teeny bit like an Oscar, no?

–By Lindsay Ray

Fails of the Week: E.T. (Xtra Terrifying) edition

Xtina’s all ready for filming Burlesque Two: More Sequins and Stilettos. When I saw this picture, I kept expecting Cher to jump out and share sparkle lipstick tips before busting into a ballad.

If you haven’t heard Katy Perry’s latest single, “ET,” then I don’t know where you’ve been. But Katy’s been sporting a Queen Amidala look, which is so ’99 and Natalie Portman did it better.

However, for her American Idol appearance, Katy opted to cross C.S. Lewis’s White Witch with Alien. If she really wanted to go for a themed look, she should’ve sported a Reese’s pieces dress or at least a glowing finger and fondness for botany. Spielberg would be so disappointed.

P.S. Found some shoes to go with Fergie’s Lego dress:

–By Lindsay Ray

Fail and Win of the Week: Rock and Reese

The Coachella music festival was just this past weekend, which means all the hippies and hipsters came out to play (and I was livestreaming like a crazy person). And while the desert setting and rock vibe dictates the style, there are still plenty of ways to make mis-steps. For example, take Kate Bosworth. The all-white look should’ve stayed in the ’80s. And honey, when your pockets peak out from your shorts? Trashy. (I wouldn’t mind her Alexander Skarsgard accessory though. Just sayin.’) Coachella’s about rockin’ a boho style like a badass; Kate, you’re trying too hard.

(Check out more Coachella style)

Although Kate’s look is a bad flashback to a totally awesome decade, the retro look I’m really digging is Reese Witherspoon’s. Not only is her Depression style in the glossy Water for Elephants promos to die for, but her ’50s-inspired style premiere dress is flirty and fun while remaining polished.

I like that her hair is a little undone and her jewels are simple. The combination lets the Jason Wu dress shine.

P.S. Having just finished Water for Elephants, I’m excited to see the book come to life on the screen. Seriously check it out if you love circuses, romance, historical dramas or Reese’s sure to be sizzling late ’20s fashion.

–By Lindsay Ray

Fails of the Week: Madness, Momsen and Minaj

So Fug Madness is over, and a new queen has been crowned. Little Taylor Momsen, sporting baby heroin chic, took home the crown. If you’re unfamiliar with the Momster, just think young Courtney Love, general pantslessness, torn tights and raccoon eyes. Momster won after a series of surprising upsets (Ryan Cabrera, what the hell?) and Cinderella stories (Where did Mischa Barton even come from?). And while I picked Gaga to take the whole thing (Really, how can you beat a meat dress and a human hair cape?), Mama Monster was no match for the Momster.

Ahem.

Although Nicki Minaj was lost out to Gaga in Fug Madness, she’s already making her bid for next year. Girlfriend rocks a serious beehive. And clearly has no regard for matching colors—she looks a little bit like an abstract painting. Plus, pleather. Need I say more? But if I must, she also looks like she’s ready to throw down. Those are some serious brass knuckles.

BONUS: Check out the pretty pictures of the Met’s Alexander McQueen exhibit, Savage Beauty. If you like costuming or admire McQueen, it’s a must-see. I especially like the dress I call The Birds.

–By Lindsay Ray

Fails of the week: This sucks!

So the gals of Sucker Punch have been out and about promoting their film and bludgeoning us with bad fashion.

First up, Jena Malone, who is so skinny that it took me a while to recognize her as the precocious daughter in Stepmom and the spirited Lydia in 2005’s Pride and Prejudice. Jena’s modeling the 90s prom look, which didn’t even look that good then. Are we really back to recycling clothes from the last decade? Should I go looking for my long plaid shirts and midriff-baring tops again? This poorly chosen ensemble actually reminds me of the prom dresses in 10 Things I Hate About You, which really deserves to remembered for its more charming attributes, namely Heath Ledger and its spiffy adaptation of Shakespeare.

Like, whatever.

Her costar Emily Browning harkens back to an even earlier decade with her lace doily dress and dark lipstick. If I could make a modern adaptation of Great Expectations, this is exactly how I would imagine a young Miss Havisham. She’s just been stood up and is hell bent on making every man pay for her pain through a diabolically convoluted plan involving adopting a beautiful orphan girl. But first, she’ll turn her wedding dress into an edgy statement of independence while strutting around in her platforms (because if anyone’s going to wear stilettos, it’d be Miss Havisham).

The goth Victorian doll look. Totally.

Then there’s Vanessa Hudgens. She’s already got her Halloween costume under wraps. But I’m not quite sure whom she’s going as. Gypsy palm reader? Boozy lounge singer? Or girl-who-got-dressed-in-the-dark and thought her necklace was a headdress and her baggy slip was a great dress?

"I'm so hot, it's totes OK to look like a hot mess."

–By Lindsay Ray