What I would tell my teenage self

She’s All That. Because high school is a perpetual party. Look at these guys. In real life, they were like, 29.

We’re kind of loath to offer advice to ALL teenagers. But we do have a few choice words for our former teenage selves.
By Samantha Howard, Lindsay Patton and Tara Cavanaugh

Being a teenager is not cool.
You like movies like She’s All That  and Ten Things I Hate About You.** Because in the movies, the teenage years look like an endless party. In reality, it’s an endless amount of mortification: pimples, parents, failures and frenemies as you figure life out. No worries. Later in life, you’ll find that most of the people you admire, the people who are interesting, funny and stylish adults, were totally awkward teenagers. I think it’s because high school only allows you a few categories (sporty/artsy/brainy). But most of us are a few combinations of that, and as an adult, you really do get to find your niche, and you really do blossom as a person. So no matter what a sitcom or a teen rom-com movie says, you will *not* blossom during your teenage years. Not as a person. Sorry. You’re all ugly duckling for now. You’ll be a swan after college. (TC)

**THIHAY is actually a fabulous movie. As far as teen rom-coms inspired by Shakespeare go. Continue reading

Free to be banging baby-free

#nothanks

Hi, I’m Jackie. I take birth control. I don’t take it because it helped save my life or because it cured some medical mystery happening inside my body. I take it because I like to have sex without repercussions that come in the shape of an infant.

If you’re sporting a uterus, chances are you’ve noticed all of this political commotion surrounding women’s rights and the usage of birth control. Thankfully, there have been some badass women who stepped forward to tell their stories about how birth control has solved their health issues and even saved their lives. These stories give validity to this drug and also a scientific “go fuck yourself” to all of the men that are trying take this right away from us. Perhaps if these men see what a useful medication the pill can be, they stop labeling all modern women as harlots who are just looking for a good time. With that being said, what about that harlot who is looking to have a good time? Is she any less important to this equation of birth control validation? Continue reading

Pill Thrilled: How birth control gave me my life back

I wonder if any of the men summoned forth to testify on Darrell Issa’s congressional oversight committee on women’s health have ever collapsed in front of an ATM. While I’m not nearly as much an expert on these men’s lives as they are on me and my feminine health, I’m going to safely venture as to guess the answer to my query is a resounding “no.” Continue reading

Me Versus The Pill

Getting a really bad period can feel almost worse than this crazy fool yelling at you.

“I’m not going to pay for your birth control just so you can have sex.”

My dad said that to me when I was 22 years old and on birth control for the first time. I still remember the setting in perfect detail. He yelled it at me while on a family vacation with my mom, brother, aunt, uncle and cousins. And yes, they were all standing by.

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I Tried Very Hard To Understand Breaking Dawn, Part 1

I am not a Twilight fan.

I read the first two books back-to-back a few summers ago in a fit of reading frenzy—as Erin wrote a few days ago, these books are literary crack. It’s very hard to put them down. Except I got to the third one, read the first chapter, and just couldn’t handle the angst any more. I quit cold turkey.

At some point after the first movie came out on DVD, I ended up seeing that one. It was doofy, for lack of a better word. I did really like the house the Cullen family lives in, though. I want to live in a glass-and-pine house in the forest.

And tonight I went to see Breaking Dawn: Part 1, the penultimate movie. I went to see it partially because I had spent all weekend working and wanted to zone out for a while, and partially out of curiosity. People describe this thing as “bonkers,”  “absorbing, if somewhat slow-paced” AND “ridiculously appealing.”

Well, shoot. Sign me up.

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