FUGLY ALERT! Cargo leggings

The leggings-are-not-pants argument goes lots of ways. They don’t offer any structure. They leave nothing to the imagination. They’re cold. They couldn’t be any less flattering, since they leave all of your jiggly bits free to ripple in the wind. And they don’t even have a place to stick your chapstick.

But I underestimated the fugly power of leggings. Turns out, they CAN be even less flattering whilst offering a place to put your keys. Enter: cargo leggings.

Because cargo pants were so long ago (hello, middle school), we seem to have forgotten how incredibly unflattering wide-leg khakis with large pockets can be. Because leggings are so prevalent now, we’re no longer surprised at how unflattering they can be. So designers decided to put the two together, in a brilliant marketing plan to both make leggings seem “new” again and to provide fodder for them to laugh at us endlessly while we jiggle not just our booties, but the change in our pockets.

I promise you, unless you’re a size zero, leggings do absolutely nothing to flatter your body. Leggings are really only relatively cute on girls whose thighs don’t touch (hate you, btw). But cargo leggings? Please. They’ll make even the leanest of women look like they put their knee pads on the wrong way before going rollerblading.

–By Tara Cavanaugh